写了篇雅思大作文,字数有点超.求百度大牛给予批改,欢迎各种批斗Shouldsuccessfulsportsprofessionalsearnmoremoney?Somepeoplethinkitistotallyunfairtotheircareerwhohaveagoodperformancealsoinotherfields,whi

Question

写了篇雅思大作文,字数有点超.求百度大牛给予批改,欢迎各种批斗
Should successful sports professionals earn more money?Some people think it is totally unfair to their career who have a good performance also in other fields ,while some people think it is justified for sports professionals to get a great deal salary.
When it comes to unfair for sports professional to get more salary may have two reasons:Firstly,the sports professionals,It might not the talent and hardworking from athlete himself or herself,but be supported by strongly scientific team which have highly developed technology to promote the athletic's performance,such as set solid time for supplying nutrition accurately and put sense device in their clothes in order to test heart-beat-rate.In other words,high-tech proportion is occupied at least 50% of their performances.Secondly,professionals of sport have more chances to get a better score.On the one hand,the athletes have to attend the training everyday since the budding athletes had chosen from very early age,apparently,more times they got for enhancing their physical power.On the other hand,the very competition between competitors even in a same team,which conduct a budding athlete to strengthen himself or herself automatically.However,these reasons can not hide the performance that successful professional had made.

Answer 1

通篇看了一下,逻辑不是很清楚,定语从句过度使用,连接词用法错误,定语从句第三人称单数没有用好,词语的同意代用基本没有.5分到5.5分水平.

晚上我帮你改一下.