雅思作文求评分和批改请大牛们给点建议吧~Newspapershaveanenormousinfluenceonpeople’sopinionsandideas.Doyouthinkitisapositiveoranegativesituation?Newspapersstillplayanimportantroleonpeople’smind.Fromm

Question

雅思作文 求评分和批改 请大牛们给点建议吧~
Newspapers have an enormous influence on people’s opinions and ideas.Do you think it is a positive or a negative situation?
Newspapers still play an important role on people’s mind.From my part of view,this is probably a good phenomenon,even though the impact of the internet and television is increasingly greater.
In this informative age,newspapers provide us of realistic up-to–the–minute information,.Through reading newspapers,people can be informed of current affairs of the world.Also,it helps broaden people’s horizons.The articles with objective and balanced ideas encourage people to think critically.Individuals with a good reading habit have a broader view of life and better personal resources to draw on.In addition to that,the in-depth analysis of the social phenomenon which other medias are lack of are provided.The insights into the current affairs tend to reveal the fundamental reasons of some phenomenon and directly tell us the social trend.
However,despite those advantages ,newspapers may have negative impacts on people.Some advertisements on newspapers are too commercialized.That is to say,a product may look geogours and good qualily on the picture.As a result,people who are too dependent on newspapers may buy goods without consideration.
In conclusion,a coin has two sides.It is hard to say obsolutely whether the influences newspapers on people positive or negative.But as for my part,the advantages of newspaper overweigh its disadvantages.

Answer 1

Newspapers still play an important role on（in） people’s mind.From my part/.point of view,this is probably a good phenomenon,even though the impact of the internet and television is increasingly greater.(even though is not appropriate here,try to change this sentence,)
In this informative(information) age,newspapers provide us of(delete) realistic up-to–the–minute information,.Through reading newspapers,people can be informed of current affairs of the world.Also,it helps broaden people’s horizons.The articles with objective and balanced ideas encourage people to think critically.Individuals with a good reading habit have a broader view of life and better personal resources to draw on.In addition to that,the in-depth analysis of the social phenomenon which other medias are lack of (lack)are provided.The insights into the current affairs tend to reveal the fundamental reasons of some phenomenon and directly tell us the social trend.
However,despite those advantages ,newspapers may have negative impacts on people.Some advertisements on newspapers are too commercialized.That is to say,a product may look geogours and good qualily on the picture.As a result,people who are too dependent on newspapers may buy goods without consideration.
In conclusion,a coin has two sides.(just as a coin has two sides,it is hard to...)It is hard to say obsolutely whether the influences newspapers on people positive or negative.But as for my part,the advantages of newspaper overweigh its disadvantages.
you have a reasonable mastery of the language.and minor mistakes do occur.
the biggest problem with this essay is that you do not address the question (positive or negative) in a straightfoward way.
Try to add a topic sentence to each paragrah,which can make you essay look better.
This essay can reach the band of 6 .