小弟刚完成了一篇personalstatement,望大神帮我改下语法错误~Ihavealwaysbeenfascinatedwithcomputers,especiallyongames.Withthedevelopmentofcomputers,therearemorefunctionsforpeople’sdailylife,suchasweatherforecas

Question

小弟刚完成了一篇personal statement,望大神帮我改下语法错误~
I have always been fascinated with computers,especially on games.With the development of computers,there are more functions for people’s daily life,such as weather forecast and satellite,also ,computer has became an integral part of my life and turn into an infinite source of fascination for me,so computer science is the only course that fits me.Most of the knowledge of computer science is related to the development of games,such as Artificial Intelligence,software engineering and modeling.My dreamed career is to enter a famous game company ,which would require knowledge from computer science.That is the reason why I am keen on to improving my knowledge and skill in the field of games.

Answer 1

for people’s daily life变为for people’s daily lives（因为people当单数讲是民族,复数讲才表示人）；and satellite, also在also前最好断句,我认为用介词短语in addition；computer has became an integral应该改为computers have；My dreamed career is to enter a famous game company改成My ambition is to enter a famous game company更加的好；That is the reason why I am keen on to improving my knowledge变为That is the reason why I am keen on improving my knowledge；
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