哪位能帮我批改一篇英语作文,TransformintoawhiteswanUptothepresent,thehugesuccessoftheDanishauthorHansChristianAndersen’sfairytalesshowednosignofabating.ThoughIhavebeengrownup,thefascinatingstoriesstillapp

Question

哪位能帮我批改一篇英语作文,
Transform into a white swan
Up to the present,the huge success of the Danish author Hans Christian Andersen’s fairy tales showed no sign of abating.Though I have been grown up,the fascinating stories still appeal to me.
The ugly duckling,written by Andersen,is my favorite.It tells of an ugly duckling who has experienced many tribulations.In the end,reflected in the transparent water,he saw below him his own image——he was no longer a clumsy dark gray bird,ugly and ungainly,but a beautiful white swan.
When I was very young,mum told me the story of the ugly duckling.
“You didn’t sound surprised when I told you the ending.” Mum said,“So I realized it is easy for you to be negative about the terrible things.Everyone wants to live a happy life,but you have to know that frustrations,failures,and sometimes stumbling attempts at growth and progress are necessary.The key factor is you should have your own dream,and try your best to work out.”
Ugly duckling illustrated,many tribulations into a white swan,it is because it has a dream of mind.It supports dream.In fact,no trajectory fate lies in the realm of beautiful,beautiful pursuit of ideals.The frustration and pain of life is inevitable,we should learn to walk the feet.Everyone will have a dream of their own,as long as they learn to establish life goals,self-confidence,self-improvement,Independence grow up,they will really struggle through the original can also become aware of their "white swan" like the ugly duckling can achieve the same dream in the heart.The ugly duckling was hatched from an egg to the large,ugly,and no one like him,many ducks and animals were bullied.He has no choice but to stay away from his father and mother,stray alone,encountered stormy weather…… but ugly duckling no fear,he fought tenaciously,study hard…… end of the day,people suddenly discover that the world's most ugly duckling into a beautiful white swan!He has his own dream,but the dream has to go through hard work and struggle,and it based on a pure soul.The same is true with a person.A person whose soul is so pure as to be free from any pollution actually represents a profundity that tugs at people’s heartstrings.
This story is such an important part of my childhood that it has even influenced my entire life.I should carry on,and listen last to my own heart.I realize that I am the only one responsible for my life,the only person who can revolutionize my life.Because I know myself better than anyone on earth,my life will change when I change.
As is known to everyone,life wouldn’t be easy.I just promise that it would be worth it,so I will always stay on my own track.

Answer 1

1.transform是动词,考虑用现在分词
2.第一句话用完成时,不用过去时
3.have grown up
4.所有标题,不论是文章的还是书的、故事的,除了一些介词等每个词开头字母要大写,比如说 The Ugly Duckling
5.第二段开头written by Andersen一词可去掉.因为已经很明显.
6.透明的水不用transparent这个词,要是透明了就没法反光了,可以用clear或者limpid
7.建议把第三段放到第二段前面,young改成little好些
8.at growth and progress没这种说法,可以说through out your life
9.factor指原因,因素,我理解好像没有什么因果关系,如果想表达最重要的是……那么,用key就好了
先改到这儿,要是你觉得有道理,我再接着给你改,要是觉得我水平也就不过如此,我也就不浪费时间了.
接着来,从母亲说的话下一段：
1.开头用一般现在时,但是句意没看懂,待考虑.但是后面it is because前面要加连词,或者将那句话拆成两句.it has a dream of mind有点牵强,说it has a dream in its heart吧.建议不要随意用介词短语.
2.It supports dream.没懂
3.the frustration句中少连词.
4.啊,这一段我没太看明白,建议先看着你写的英文翻译成中文,看看顺不顺.如果翻译成中文不顺,那么英文也不会顺.
5.语法没什么问题,只是有些Chinglish.建议先明确一下中心思想,是要有梦想,还是要相信自己,走自己的路.两者不能混为一谈,这是决定你后三段议论段内容的关键,所以我不好改.
希望能帮上你.