考研英语一小作文,书信,请英语好的童鞋或是英语老师赐教啊!DearSirorMadam,IamwritingthisletterinpurposeofexpressingmydissatisfactoryabouttheelectronicdictionaryIhaveboughtfromyouronlinestorethreedaysbe

Question

考研英语一小作文,书信,请英语好的童鞋或是英语老师赐教啊!
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing this letter in purpose of expressing my dissatisfactory about the electronic dictionary I have bought from your online store three days before.I prefer to change a new one for me,as I find the machine I have received yesterday always shut down in no reason when I was using it.
I must explain that I have read the instruction book several times,and I am promise every step I have tried is right.It must has something wrong with this product.To surmount the difficulty,I would like to send this dictionary back to your after-sell service,in return,I am sure you will agree that deliver a new machine for me.Please check the new one’s quality before you send it.I hope this situation will not happen again.
I would like to express my gratitude for your consideration of my request.I look forward to hearing from you soon.Yours sincerely,
Zhang Wei

Answer 1

instruction book?说明书吗 直接用instruction不好吗
and i am promise 这是两个动词吧
it must has 情态动词后面要用原型 而且这句话很不通顺 你可能是想说“有”那也改用therebe啊
there must be something wrong with it
in return 是连词吗 可以连接两个句子?
agree that 后面既然要用从句 那你就少了主语 你这么用像是祈使句 不如that改成to 直接动词不定式作宾语即可
有些词还可以再斟酌斟酌 比如上句的 new machine 这里完全可以说new one啊
总体来看 你文章有些啰嗦 很多可以用短语、词组、非谓语动词来说的 你都用从句了,通篇从句太多了 看得累

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