求高手帮忙改这篇雅思作文并评论指导~拜托拜托~Topic:Today,thehighsalesofpopularconsumergoodsreflectthepowerofadvertisingandnottherealneedsofthesocietyinwhichtheyaresold.Towhatextentdoyouagreeordisa

Question

求高手帮忙改这篇雅思作文并评论指导~拜托拜托~
Topic: Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Advertising compaign increasingly become the decisive factor for companies to sell products.The managers often perceive that the more money they put in, the more profit they can get. This tiggered a heated debate about whether popular goods reflect the power of advertisement or the real need of consumers.
Some people argue that products regularly seen on TV create a larger pubilicity thus result in more sales volume than the others. And people will pursue for their favorite stars that are printed in the product without concerning for whether they need it or not. However,others hold the view that most people will buy the necessities rather than what the advertisements pusuade them to purchase.
In my point of view, best-selling products include both provisions and advertised goods. We would often be tempted by the fascinating packages and functions that are sold by TV or websites.For example, when it refers to fast food restaurant we would think about KFC and MC Donald immediately instead of Chinese restaurant. Notwithstanding commercial ads contribute to the product selling, people still insist on buying things they actually need. Provisions like fruit and pencil can always reflect the real demand of people to purchase goods.
That is to say, daily necessities may better illustrate the demand of the society while some other best- selling products may result from the power of publicizing it.
我的目标是至少7分以上呢~求打分加指导~

Answer 1

写得挺好的啊,按照雅思作文的格式来了嘛～　就是有点chinglish还有点逻辑小问题,不影响大分数～