英语语法好的大牛帮我看看下面的作文中有什么语法错误帮我指出,狠批Whenteenagersbecomeadolescents,theyhavetogotowork.Why?Atfirstglance,thereisnoreason,becauseeveryonehavetodothisinourtraditionalsense.H

Question

英语语法好的大牛帮我看看下面的作文中有什么语法错误帮我指出,狠批
When teenagers become adolescents,they have to go to work.Why?At first glance,there is no reason,because everyone have to do this in our traditional sense.However,those who don’t understand what is true meaning of one job never knows what is the essences of beautiful life.In other words,one successful job does not mean the money they have earned.Furthermore,there is no comparison between money and happiness at all.
A job is very important for our human being.The ultimate goal about one job is a self-fulfilling and responsibility for our society to one person rather than earn a lot of money.To be specific,lawyer,teacher,or doctor,no matter which kind of career,they actually have common features:they want a notable position; they want get much acceptance from society.Before they got one job,you can imagine one person spent 10 years even longer period of time had been studied in school and did great efforts on certain subjects.Apparently,one job does not mean money they have earned,we should respect our memorable youth age during our wonderful time,then a job become a belief to continue our dreams.
Moreover,everyone living in the real world need a job to sustain life,because adults have to make sure that they can give a safety environment for their older generation,because those who really do great efforts to lead you to the right and bright road,you definitely should provide a comfortable environment for them,On the other hand,you must provide a better education background for your kids.Well,earn a lot of money could solve this problems because money is a form to exchange your efforts into one thing that can stand for your contribution.
In reality,we may face such problems.If you get on the top of your field and you earn a lot of money,you probably sometimes confront some troubles,such as you have to deal with some people who have the perspective about life totally different from yours.Also,as a celebrity,you may have much pressure come from all-round than common people have.
In conclusion,one job is very important for human being for our life whether in the aspect of self-fulfilling or in our daily life.If we could balance the job,money and difficulties very well in our lifetime,we may have a better and happier about the future.

Answer 1

When teenagers become adolescents,they have to go to work.Why?At first glance,there is no reason,because everyone have(has) to do this in our traditional sense.However,those who don’t understand what is true meaning of one job never knows what is the essences of beautiful life.In other words,one successful job does not mean the money they have earned.Furthermore,there is no comparison between money and happiness at all.
A job is very important for our human being.The ultimate goal about one job is a self-fulfilling and responsibility for our society to one person rather than earn a lot of money.To be specific,lawyer,teacher,or doctor,no matter which kind of career,they actually have common features:they want a notable position; they want(to) get much acceptance from society.Before they got(get) one job,you can imagine one person spent(spending) 10 years even longer period of time(that/which) had(has) been studied(spent) in school and did(doing) great efforts on certain subjects.Apparently,one job does not mean money they have earned,we should respect our memorable youth age during our wonderful time,then a job become a belief to continue our dreams.
Moreover,everyone living in the real world need(needs) a job to sustain life,because adults have to make sure that they can give a safety environment for their older generation,because those who really do great efforts to lead you to the right and bright road,you definitely should provide a comfortable environment for them,On the other hand,you must provide a better education background for your kids.Well,earn (earning)a lot of money could solve this(these) problems because money is a form to exchange your efforts into one thing that can stand for your contribution.
In reality,we may face such problems.If you get on(to) the top of your field and you earn a lot of money,you probably sometimes confront some troubles,such as(for example) you have to deal with some people who have the perspective about life totally different from yours.Also,as a celebrity,you may have much pressure come(coming) from all-round than common people have.
In conclusion,one job is very important for human being for our life whether in the aspect of self-fulfilling or in our daily life.If we could(can) balance the job,money and difficulties (will be) very well(good) in our lifetime,we may have a better and happier about the(去掉前两个词) future.