有哪位高手能帮我看一下这篇专四的作文,拜托了TheimportanceofkeepingagoodmoodIntoday'ssociety,peoplehavetofacemoreandmorepressure,whichoriginatefromthework,family,lifeandsoon.It'struethatsomepeople,es

Question

有哪位高手能帮我看一下这篇专四的作文,拜托了
The importance of keeping a good mood
In today's society,people have to face more and more pressure,which originate from the work,family,life and so on.It's true that some people,especially the young college students,can not take a optimistic attitude towards the high pressure.However ,as for my view of point,we should keep a more pleasantmood under a variety of pressure.
There are some reasons for this phenomenon.First and the foremost,with the intense competition from the society,some people can not take effective steps to solve their realistic problems.They
always rely on others' helps,and avoid facing the real society .But there is a possibility that these people would be led to a worse condition.If they don't take a proper eye sight to look at these pressure,they will never adapt themselves to the intense competition in the society.As modern college students,we should make ourselves more strong-willed in the presence of the pressure.Keeping a healthy mood to face everyday life naturally make you live happier.
As an old saying goe:“Failure is the mother of success.”In summary,no matter what condition we are in,we should not lose all the hope for the life.
还有一个问题就是，在帮我修改的同时，也顺便帮我打一个分数吧，大概的就行了，谢谢你们了！
这篇文章在输入电脑时可能来不及编排了，看起来比较乱，不好意思了，也麻烦大家耐心的看完吧，有悬赏哦！

Answer 1

文章我就不改了,免得献丑.
就说说个人意见,感觉就是文章写的有点空,整篇都在讲现象,摆道理,这样是没说服力的,最好能简明的讲清自己的观点,然后用例子去说服考官,当然编的例子也行,只要合理,然后在做个总结.
分数:9分